Yesterday was my first Mother’s Day as Mommy and I enjoyed it immensely. Of course, there was this issue about finding a restaurant in town that had not been affected by a gas line break. Apparently someone thought it was okay to drive into a gas transmission plant that was a pumping station for the pipeline that runs along the Florida Turnpike.
Since brunch was out, we went home and finally got Ethan to take a nap. We ventured out that afternoon for some shopping and managed to get a table at Ruby Tuesday’s for dinner. Wasn’t fancy, but it was nice.
The bittersweetness (is that a word?) comes from not having my own mother with to share this day. Eight years ago she was diagnosed with a glioblastoma. Over the next 22 months, she went through two surgeries, rounds of radiation and chemotherapy, loss of the use of the right side of her body, and aphasia that affected her ability to speak coherently, but could mostly understand what we were saying to her. The aphasia proved incredibly frustrating for someone who loved to communicate, but would now say she wanted a lamp if she was hungry.
I’m angry that she was subjected to such a horrible last 2 years of life. I’m angry she only knew her first grandson for 3 months before succumbing to the tumor. I’m angry I can’t call her at 3 am to ask her what I’m supposed to do when Ethan is vomiting. And I’m angry that she couldn’t be here yesterday for my first Mother’s Day.
Jessica says
Awww Jaime. I’m sorry 🙁 it doesn’t matter how long it’s been, it doesn’t seem to get any easier, does it? I just told Myga that it actually seems harder the older I get to be without her. Love you 🙂
greenkoala2002 says
Love you Jess!
Hil says
I understand your bittersweet sentiment. I see my mom once, maybe twice a year, and I can tell you, phone calls don’t help much either. Especially when you call and they’re never available. There are countless of times I wish I could be with her in person, like she is with my sister’s kids. My son doesn’t even understand her accent like my niece and nephews do, and that angers me, and frustrates me. On the flip side, I miss Matt’s Mom immensely and wish she was around for us call during stressful times. But I’m glad she was alive to see him grow to be six months. Still, it’s holidays like these that make you miss them most. How do I cope? I share the life I experience with our little nuclear family (far from our own), via social media, much like you’ve done here. I use my friends as an outlet during sad and happy times. It helps. Am I lucky to still have my mom? Absolutely! But honestly, sometimes, I’m luckier to have my friends. Love you!
Brandee says
Oh Jaime, I’m so sorry for your loss. I just lost my dad to cancer 6 months ago, and today would have been his birthday and I am feeling that loss acutely. I hope that it gets easier, and that you have a supportive group of friends and family around you to mother you and help fill in the gaps that she isn’t able to.
Jaime says
Thank you Brandee. I’m sorry you, too, have lost a parent. I wish I could say it gets easier, but like Jess said, the older we get the harder it is to not share those life experiences with them. I hope you can find solace as well.